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Topics - Bert

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1
Pokémon Discussion / Trained/Expected/Got
« on: December 18, 2016, 05:14:53 pm »
I'unno what to put here but if this thread gets replies then I'm positive many keks will be had.
2
General Discussion / LOOK AT ME!
« on: November 27, 2016, 10:25:26 pm »
I'M A FAMOUS HISTORIAN!

OUT OF MY WAY!
3
The Dumpster Out Back / Bert's Movie Reviews
« on: September 12, 2016, 09:00:46 pm »
I have so many unwanted opinions, I simply couldn't keep them in one thread.

The Lost World (1925)
Sir Arthur Conan Doyle, the legendary creator of Detective Sherlock Holmes, penned this adventure novel in 1912 about a group of explorers visiting a... lost world... where dinosaurs and other prehistoric creatures continue to thrive. However, the biggest difference between the novel and the movie is that the novel focused on a tribal conflict, while the movie focuses exclusively on...
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DINOSAURS!

It was one of the first dinosaur movies to be a hit, and even Sir Arthur Conan Doyle liked it. So much so, he gave a foreword at the film's beginning.

Ze Plot
Reporter Ed Malone (Lloyd Hughs, who I swear wears copious amounts of makeup in this film) asks his boss for a dangerous assignment to impress his c**t of a fiancé, who won't marry him unless he's faced mortal danger. He is instead told to bugger off and learns that Professor Challenger (Wallace Beery), a cantankerous fellow who believes dinosaurs are still alive, will be holding a lecture. Malone's friend, hunter Sir John Roxton (Lewis Stone), agrees to bring Ed in on his pass, since reporter's are barred due to Challenger's habit of attacking them. During the lecture, Challenger announces his plan to take a voyage into the back country of the Amazon, gladly taking Roxton when he volunteers.

Guess what happens when Ed pipes up.

Despite being chased out of the lecture hall by Challenger, Ed decides to break into his home and tell him how much of a b***h his fiancé is, resulting in a struggle that winds up outside. Challenger, impressed that Malone won't press charges when they're accosted by a policeman, decides to let Ed come along and shows him a diary belonging to Paula White's (Bessie Love) father, Maple White. Inside are sketches of various dinosaurs, including a brontosaurus (yes it's real and if you say otherwise I will punch you), proving Challenger correct. Maple, who'd gone exploring the amazon for simiar reasons, has not returned, leading Ed to suggest that this would make a great human interest story and could finance a rescue party if they return.

Challenger, Malone, Roxton, Paula, fellow sceptical Professor Summerlee (Arthur Hoyt), an Indian servant named Zambo (Jules Cowes) and a monkey named Jocko (himself) arrive at the lost world and set up camp to discover Maple was correct: dinosaurs still roam the Earth. This is proven when a pterodactyl flies by. The group is attacked by the DAMN DIRTY APE MAN, but it fucks off immediately after. When they cross a chasm to a plateau using a tree as a bridge, a brontosaurus shows up and knocks it over like an arsehole, leaving them trapped.

Suddenly, an allosaurus appears, harnesses its inner Irishman, and picks fights with everything it sees, including a triceratops, an Edmontonosaurus and the camp site, only to be driven off by Ed throwing a torch into its mouth. killing it. The Agathaumas is then killed by a T. Rex, who proceeds to catch a pterodactyl - in midair - and eat it. f**k yeah. Things take an immensely bleak turn fast: Roxton discovers Maple's remains in one of the plateau's caves. He informs Paula of this, which is Ed's cue to, after sharing all of two lines of dialogue with her, confess his ove for her. Summerlee, who just so happens to be a former minister and this was totally not tacked on at the last second, unofficially weds them, to Roxton's dismay.

While Challenger is observing the aforementioned brontosaurus, it's attacked by... you get one guess. The brontosaurus is pushed off a cliff and lies wounded in a mud bank. Suddenly, a volcano erupts, causing a mass stampede, but Challenger and company climb to safety when Jocko ties a rope ladder to one of the plateau's higher caves. Afterwards, while Ed is climbing down, the DAMN DIRTY APE MAN starts fucking with the ladder. Roxton shoots it dead, and Challenger finds the wounded brontosaurus soon after. Some guy from the Brazilian coast guard or some s**t arrives to make sure the group is okay, at which point Challenger, the absolute madman, comes up with an idea: to bring the brontosaurus back to London, proving he's not completely batshit insane. Mr. Some Guy goes along with it, saying that they might be able to put it in a cage when the heavy rains flush out the mud bank, essentially leaving the sauropod there.

The idea works, to a point. The group returns to London safe and sound, and Challenger summons reporters, his critics, and general dissenters to the lecture hall to make his announcement: he has brought a fucking brontosaurus with him to London. However, he gets a panicked call from Ed, who explains that it broke free when the cage fell and busted open, resulting in Challenger making the following announcement:

"My brontosaurus has escaped! Keep off the streets until I recapture it."

I refuse to believe this line didn't become a dank meme used throughout the rest of the 1920s.

Anyway, sure enough, the brontosaurus is running around causing mass hysteria, knocking s**t over in its wake and destroys an entire apartment building. f**k yeah. Its rampage ends when it falls through the Tower Bridge into the River Thames, swimming away to its home planet of Canada while a morose Challenger watches. Ed discovers his fiancé married someone else in his absence, prompting him and Paula to get married for realsies.

How is this potential brontosaurus problem resolved? Good question!

The Rest of My Post
Fun. Fun, fun, fun. That's what this movie is, from start to finish. From Challenger beating the s**t out of Malone at the start to the allosaurus's inability to take a fucking hint, and best of all the brontosaurus rampage, The Lost World is 55/64/95/100 minutes of black and white, silent, stop-motion fun.

Yeah, about those running times...

When the movie was released for purchase in the '50s, it had a... truncated duration, losing 51 minutes of its original 106 minute runtime. Over time, several longer versions have been found, but the remaining 5 minutes is probably lost forever. The 64 minute version is the most common, and is pretty bare bones, featuring only the scenes necessary to the plot.

The movie's biggest draw was, logically, stop-motion dinosaur effects by none other than Willis O'Brien, who you might know as the stop-motion effects guy from King Kong. While they no doubt looked amazing at the time, they have aged about as well as expired milk. There are some cool effects in play, like the closeup of the brontosaurus eating leaves off a tree branch, and baring its teeth before its fight with the allosaurus. The creatures' movements are quite fluid and interact with the actors and scenery well, even seeming lifelike in this day and age. The fight scenes are fantastic, and the shenanigans involving the allosaurus, the edmontonosaurus, and the triceratops is nonstop, lasting several minutes total.

While I can't say much about the acting since, well, it's a silent movie, Wallace Beery is a fitting choice for Professor Challenger, being a loud, boisterous man himself with a booming and demanding voice. Most of them get a chance to show some badassery, like Ed throwing a fucking torch into the T. Rex's mouth. The main aversion is Paula, who doesn't really do much in the lost world other than make a curious/shocked face whenever a dinosaur shows up, but it's hard not to feel sorry for her when Roxton tells her what happened to her dad. Speaking of, who the f**k would ever name their kid Maple? Probably a Canadian.

What bothers me most about the film is that aforementioned romance subplot between Paula and Ed, if it could even be called that. Hell, I'm not even sure they share two lines of dialogue; they barely acknowledge each other after they meet at Challenger's house. I guess it works out, since Ed's fiancé married someone else while he was gone, a detail left out of several versions of the film. Oh well. Now they can base their entire relationship around her dad's death. If that's not a heartwarming story to tell the grandkids, then I don't know what is.

So while the movie's effects have aged quite badly (all the dinosaurs move at a jogging pace!), The Lost World is still over a half hour of dinosaur-related fun with plenty of action, adventure, and a dumb romance subplot which, mercifully, doesn't bog the movie down since it's essentially a footnote. While the 64-minute version is the most common and probably dirt cheap (especially if it's distributor is Alpha Video, as mine is), I'd suggest tracking down one of the longer versions if you want the whole experience. Or, hell, just watch it on YouTube. It's in the public domain anyway. Sadly, the remaining 6 minutes will likely never be found.























Until 2025, when, by "complete coincidence," a full version of the movie, still in perfect condition, will be discovered in Sir Arthur Conan Doyle's father's brother's nephew's cousin's former roomate's basement.

Bert's Rating: 8/10 would ride a brontosaurus through London and destroy buildings

Random Trivia
- Legendary sci-fi fan Forrest J Ackerman came into possession of several of the dinosaur models used in the film.
- The set used for the dinosaur stampede during the volcano eruption was 75 feet long.
- This was the first movie shown to airline passengers.
- The brontosaurus has its own entry at the Villains Wikia.

Things I Learned from This Movie
- Allosauruses were assholes.
- The perfect time to confess your love for a woman is obviously while she's mourning the death of her father.
- It is perfectly reasonable to break into the home of the guy who chased you out of his lecture to ask to go on his wacky adventure.
- Despite large chunks of magma and rocks being hurled about, no permanent damage will be done during a volcano eruption in a dinosaur-inhabited country.
4
Pokémon Discussion / Gengar's Crystal sprite
« on: August 10, 2016, 03:20:22 pm »
I was on /vp/ in a thread about a Pokémon's best in-game sprite, and someone pointed out how in one of the .gifs, which was Gengar's Crystal sprite, his legs disappeared. I've never seen this happen ingame; the animation ends when he shakes his legs.

There was a short-lived GameFAQs thread about this too, which went nowhere.

Any idea why his legs don't vanish like in the .gif?
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General Discussion / IT'S SO DAMN HOT.
« on: June 19, 2016, 03:29:57 pm »
MILK WAS A BAD CHOICE.
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Pokémon Discussion / Pokémon Super Mystery Dungeon!
« on: June 01, 2015, 03:15:31 pm »
Weee!

Mini-Nintendo Direct trailer.

Known info so far:
1. 720 Pokémon (poor, poor Volcanion) are in the game, instead of 140something like in Gates to Infinity,

2. Still no personality quiz, but there are 20 starters to choose from, including Pikachu and Riolu,

3. Hunger appears to be back,

4. Is due to be released in Japan in September 2015, and in winter 2015 for America and Canada, and early 2016 for everywhere else.

So I'm kinda hyped for this, and I really hope you can level up your moves like in Gates to Infinity. Hopefully the plot will lay of the melodrama this time.
8
The Dumpster Out Back / Just a heads up
« on: March 12, 2015, 07:04:55 pm »
Guys.

GUYS.

This is a serious situation.

My brontosaurus has escaped.

Keep clear of the streets until I recapture it.

It was last pictured storming past City Hall:



If you have any information regarding its whereabouts, call 1-800-BRONTO.
9
General Discussion / Bert's Rants/Rambles
« on: February 22, 2015, 05:41:36 pm »
Nickelback Suck
I know I'm beating a dead horse, but I've been wanting to make this topic for a while now, so I decided to go with a topic everyone can relate to.

The '90s was responsible for killing off the commercialization of metal music nearly entirely to make way for the less entertaining grunge genre, which college stoners eagerly adopted to sound "deep" and "poetic." Pick a one-word title, give it some abstract lyrics, make it depressing, and enjoy your hit single. Or, if you were Alice in Chains, actually be interesting.

...Or, if you were giftedly talentless, do it horribly, terribly wrong.

Originally called the much more fitting "Village Idiots," Nickelback has become of Canada's most successful rock bands for...some reason. Not even their fans know why. They also scored a record deal with Roadrunner Records, arguably a haven for metal and rock bands. I can just taste the salty tears of other up-and-coming bands who screamed to the Heavens when some dork playing generic post grunge riffs scored the deal of a lifetime. The fact that Americans are familiar with Nickelback's garbage instead of the jaunty, sing-a-longable (totally a word) songs of The Trews prove how shitty people's judgement is.

Here's Nickeback's signature song, "How You Remind Me".

And here's The Trews' signature song, "Not Ready to Go".

Guess which band will be able to retire comfortably in the next ten years?

Hint: It's not the one that actually gives a f**k about making listenable music.

I could forgive Nickelback's complete lack of originality and innovation if it weren't for the fact they take pride in their relentless mediocrity. Hey, Chad, wanna know how you can get people to stop saying "Nickelback sucks?" STOP SUCKING. You might have to dissolve the band to do it, but that's a small price to pay since you're clearly not in it for the music.

Do you know what the worst part is? Critics actually support these uninspired assholes. Not all of them obviously, but the ones who do are an interesting breed. To quote an AllMusic review of their album Silver Side Up:

Quote
"what gives the group an upper hand over its peers is intensity and raw passion... Nickelback ups the ante by offering realistic storytelling that listeners can relate to."
Source.

What exactly is "realistic storytelling?" "I made millions ripping off AC/DC, KISS, Scorpions, and every other rock band, but it's OK because I do it in drop-D tuning?" Get bent. There is nothing "real" about Nickelback's music. Everything they've done has been done before. At best, they're unoriginal. At worst, they're a plague upon music.

If you see a Nickelback fan in public, punch them.
10
Writing / Meganium Man!
« on: February 02, 2015, 08:01:27 pm »
So this is a thing I started a little while ago: an episodic series about a crime fighting Meganium. It takes place in a Mystery Dungeon-like universe, without humans. Comments, criticism, and such are welcome!

UPDATE 5/8/2016: Editing out profanity because I seriously don't know what I was thinking. Let me know if you spot any.

Meganium Man #1: A Hero is Born
 There are many stories circulating about people who decided to make a difference. Some turned to charity, some started organizations for specific causes, and others travel the world raising awareness for their cause.
 This is not one of those stories.
 We’ve all heard the typical superhero tale: something tragic happens to the main character, giving them a reason to don the cowl and/or cape, and they go out to stop the bad guy. Now, that’s all fine and dandy, but wouldn’t it be cool to see someone do it, just because they can? Sure, they still want to make a difference. They just decided to be spontaneous about it.
 Harley the Meganium was watching TV, flipping through channels and hoping to find something to watch other than reruns of stuffy drama shows. Sitting on his black couch and flipping the ‘up’ channel button on the remote control with a vine whip, Harley was quickly losing hope in finding something to watch. Everything he came across was so aggressively boring, it drove him a little bit closer to the edge of sleep.
 “Y’know, it’d be really nice just to see a rerun of Fresh Prince of Goldenrod City,” Harley complained. Flick. Reality show. Flick. A drama show. Flick. The news. Wait, what’s this?
 On the screen was a Kricketune, with a microphone clipped to his left blade-like arm. Several police cars were behind him, scattered throughout a parking lot. Kricketune’s fabulous moustache was looking as dapper as ever, but he was less famous for his news reporting abilities and more for his galloping egotism.
 “This just in: I’m awesome,” Kricketune said.
 A Quilava pushed Kricketune aside, stood on his hind legs, and faced the camera. Somebody off screen handed him a microphone of his own.
 “Now for the real story. Moments ago, a Crawdaunt stormed into the Cherrygrove City Bank and, based on what we have seen through the windows, has taken everyone inside hostage.”
 The camera panned over to a shot of the police cruisers. A Zangoose, a mongoose-like Pokémon famous for the red stripe across its belly, was standing at the frontlines with a megaphone.
 “Whoa,” Harley said in awe. “This is television!”
 Chief Zangoose held the megaphone up to his mouth. His voice gritty and a slightly nasally, he bellowed, “Crawdaunt! Let those innocent Pokémon go! What do you want?”
 A window was shattered from the lobster’s punch, and glass dropped from the sill and onto the ground.
 “Whaddya think I want?!” Crawdaunt screeched back. “I wanna be rich!”
 Zangoose looked to his partner, a Seviper. The snake shrugged, a motion which involved bringing its back hunches together, and then releasing them quickly.
 “Um… all right. Well, how about this, Crawdaunt? Let those people go, and you can keep any money you’ve already stolen!”
 Inside the bank, two hiding tellers, a Heatmor – a red, yellow, and brown anteater – and a Graveller – a large rock with four arms, were quietly talking to each other.
 “The heck, is he serious? What’s Zangoose doing?” Graveller asked Heatmor. His voice had a hint of a cockney accent.
 “No clue,” replied Heatmor. “But it sounds like a trap.”
 Despite whispering, Crawdaunt heard them loud and clear. “HEY!” the lobster bellowed. “Pipe down! The cops and I are having a chat!”
 Harley was glued to the TV, even inching closer to it to get a better look. The gold star on Crawdaunt’s head shone in the sunlight. Zangoose and Seviper had no idea how to proceed, but at least Crawdaunt was stuck in the building.
 “Holy smokes! Someone’s gotta do something,” Harley commented on the situation. He remembered he was a grass-type Pokémon, which had an advantage over water-types such as Crawdaunt. Being the only local grass-type, he felt like a shining beacon of hope. Shining like the star on the lobster’s noggin.
 But Harley couldn’t just go out and try to save the day. He needed a disguise. Something to hide his identity, so nobody would know who this mysterious crusader really was.
 “This looks like a job for…”
 The sauropod bolted upstairs to his bedroom, snatching a blue pillowcase and blue bedsheet from the nightstand on the right side of his bed. Then, he returned downstairs and pulled a pair of scissors out of a kitchen drawer, and cut out four holes out of the pillowcase: two for his eyes, and two for his yellow antennae. Harley tied the sheet around his neck, underneath the red flower petals, and put the new, heavily modified pillowcase around his head.
 “Meganium Man!”
 Trying to save the day is extremely noble. Foolhardy, but noble. Harley’s only advantage right now was his type advantage, but even water-types could pack a lot of bulk. Not that he cared, since the dinosaur was on a serious adrenaline high.
 Meganium Man opened the sliding door leading to the backyard, poked his head out, and looked around. His neighbors weren’t out, so he was in the clear to go through the woods without being spotted.
 Venturing through the underbrush, Meganium Man headed east for Cherrygrove City, walking behind the scenes of Route 29. The walk was far from ideal: the woods were cramped, he tripped over branches, and things pricked him.
 “Hyurk!” he groaned after stumbling over yet another branch and hitting the ground. Looking right, he saw a familiar sight: the police cars, the news reporters, and the bank. He had arrived at the outskirts of Cherrygrove City! Now he just needed to get into the bank and stop Crawdaunt. The lobster wasn’t anywhere near the windows, and Harley could only hope the crustacean wouldn’t see him.
 Meganium Man would learn the phrase, “easier said than done,” the hard way.
 The hero walked to the site, asking Chief Zangoose, “Any progress, Chief?”
 “None!” the mongoose replied. “Crawdaunt’s just holding tight for now. We want to go in and get ‘im, but we…don’t know…how we’d do it,” he trailed off when he saw who he was talking to. “Erm… are you lost, son?”
 “Lost? No, Chief!” Meganium Man replied. “I wanna help you out!”
 “…Riiiiiight,” Zangoose said. “Look, kid, it’s great that you wanna help, it really is! But this is a job for the police, not a rank amateur.”
 “Chief, with all due respect, me being a grass-type Pokémon can wall his water-type moves. I can take him down quickly with my Razor Leafs!”
 Zangoose turned to face the dinosaur directly and asked, “And what happens when he knocks you out?”
 Meganium Man, smiling, replied, “Then you can haul my butt to jail for interfering! I’ll go peacefully, quietly, and I’ll make sure I enjoy doing hard time. But, not at least letting someone who has an upper hand is a mistake.”
 Seviper hesitantly added, “He has a point, Chief. Your Thunder Punch means you have to be real close, which means Crawdaunt could hit you with a Beam attack. Distance is key.”
 Zangoose sighed. “What if you get hurt? What if you get killed?”
 “Don’t worry, Chief Zangoose. There won’t be any blood on your hands.”
 The mongoose had no idea if Meganium Man was serious about anything else, but he knew the dinosaur meant that. He just had one more thing to ask the green sauropod.
 “Son, are you totally crazy?”
 “Crazy is my middle name.”
 Zangoose said to Seviper, “You and I will distract that walking seafood special while the Green Goofus here rescues the Pokémon inside. That sound all right with you?”
 “Works for me,” said the viper. “My Glare technique will freeze the poor crab in place from fear!”
 “Knock ‘em dead, kid,” Zangoose said, flashing the sauropod a thumbs-up.
 “It’s Meganium Man, chief,” Harley replied, smiling.
 Little did they know that Crawdaunt knew about the plan. He was watching the news footage on a TV behind the counters, and was more than ready to take down Meganium Man. He had no reason to go to the window now!
 “You fools! It’ll take more than an angry expression and a bag of leafs to take me down.”
 Ding-a-ling!
 Harley had entered the bank, using a Vine Whip to open the door; the bells alerted Crawdaunt to his presence. He saw Crawdaunt watching the news, and the lobster turned to face his foe.
 “So, Meganium Man, is it? What a nice name. Your moniker isn’t enough to frighten me!”
 “Maybe you should look out the window.”
 “Why would I want to look at Seviper’s ugly mug when you’re right here?”
 Meganium Man now knew that Crawdaunt learned of the plan.
 “That’s right, bucko. It’s all out in the open. They might’ve cornered me, but there aren’t enough of them to take me down. My little crime spree isn’t over yet!”
 “Well, then you should’ve started somewhere other than a bank. In the middle of the day.”
 “SHUT UP!” the lobster yelled as the star on his head began to glow. An array of smaller, sparkling stars shot out from it and pelted Harley, shoving him into the wall behind him. The star’s edges were sharp, and slashed and nicked Harley little by little. When the stars faded away, he was covered in small, but noticeable scratches.
 Grunting, Meganium Man got up, eager to take down the bank robber. Crawdaunt’s Swift attack wasn’t going to keep him down! He walked towards Crawdaunt, who started backing off, but clearly had other things in mind. Meganium Man could see it all on the criminal’s face. What was he planning?
 When his back hit the wall, Crawdaunt danced. It was an unusual dance, full of bizarre hand motions nobody would even think of performing, even at gunpoint. Crawdaunt’s body moved and shimmied in odd ways, and his feet kicked around wildly. Meganium Man stared, confused, at this display.
 “That was strange.”
 Faster than a speeding Bullet Punch, Crawdaunt aimed his right claw at Harley and shot a large, winding blast of water at him. Hydro Pump, just like Swift, shoved Meganium Man away but at a much more violent speed, and the dinosaur collapsed before even hitting the wall. Panting and nearly choking, Harley couldn’t focus on his enemy for the time being, which was the perfect chance for Crawdaunt to attack again.
 He bolted over to the subdued hero and kicked Meganium Man’s belly with his left foot, whopping him onto his back. The attack was a hefty one and left Harley without any air to breathe in, something Crawdaunt used to his advantage: the lobster placed his right foot on Harley’s chest and pushed down just a little, incapacitating the caped crusader.
 “So! This your first day as a moron?” Crawdaunt sneered. Harley spit at him, a little dab of saliva landing between the crustacean’s eyes. “Why you little…”
 Crawdaunt leaned down, opened his right pincer wide, and rested it against Harley’s neck.
 “Snip, snip, you’re dead. Is that all you got?”
 Realizing his right foot was in the perfect position; Harley brought it up and kneed Crawdaunt in the groin.
 “Oof!” the lobster heaved, moving his claw away and tipping over in agony.
 “Haha!” Harley breathed in. While Crawdaunt recovered, Meganium Man opened the door and said to the staff and customers, “Hurry! Get out while there’s time!”
 Soon after the customers and tellers left, Crawdaunt groggily got up. Getting kneed in the crotch is not an easy thing to recover from.
 “All right, no more games! I was taking it easy on you before, but now you’re gonna be one dead dinosaur!”
 Before Crawdaunt could attack, Harley picked up a nearby chair with his vine whips and chucked it at the lobster. Crawdaunt pushed it away with his Hydro Pump attack long before it came near him.
 “You’ll have to do better than that, Meganium Man!”
 Meganium rushed forward, hoping to get up close and personal with his enemy. His head was lowered, his nostrils were flared, and his teeth were bared as he barreled towards Crawdaunt.
 But Harley had a plan. Crawdaunt stepped out of the way just before being tackled, which gave Meganium Man the chance to quickly turn and kick the crab with his two hind legs. Whap! It worked, and Crawdaunt was pushed back towards the window Zangoose and Seviper were stationed at.
 “…He’s almost got ‘im!” Zangoose said.
 “Let’s finish this, Crawdaunt!” Meganium Man declared to his enemy, taking a defensive stance. He spread his legs just a tad and angled his head. He was now facing the window and could see part of Zangoose’s left shoulder, but Crawdaunt’s back was turned to it.
 Crawdaunt’s pincer started glowing light blue and was ready to dish out the Crabhammer to end all Crabhammers. He jumped into the air, screaming like a ravenous banshee, determined to deliver the killing strike.
 “KYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!”
 WHAM! Crawdaunt slammed his pincer into the ground, just missing Meganium Man as he jumped back. The effort the lobster exerted into the attack wore him down instantly.
 “N-no…!”
 Meganium Man’s leafs shredded themselves up and formed little blades no bigger than a shaving razor, and shot themselves in Crawdaunt’s direction.
 “AAAARGH!” the criminal screamed as leafs slashed his skin; it was much worse than when Harley had been hit by Swift. It was super effective against him, due to the type advantage. Eventually, the attack ended, and the leafs returned to their place around Harley’s neck. Now an injured, defeated, and discombobulated mess, Crawdaunt, due to the inability to focus from exhaustion, turned around, facing the Chief and Seviper.
 The viper flashed Crawdaunt a menacing glare which paralyzed him from fear; something in the lobster’s brain snapped at the sight of it. His eyes were widened, his mouth formed a vile grin; Seviper’s glare was angry in ways that defied anger. That’s how terrifying it is!
 “Wow, he actually did it!” Chief Zangoose complimented. He and Seviper barged into the bank with handcuffs, shifted Crawdaunt’s arms behind him, and arrested him. The snake moved the lobster out of the bank, a difficult task since Crawdaunt couldn’t move his legs, while Zangoose stayed behind temporarily.
 “So, that was fun,” Meganium Man huffed, tired from the brawl.
 “That was some good stuff, kid! Nice chair toss, by the way.”
 “Oh, thanks!”
 He and Zangoose returned to the steps of Cherrygrove Bank, waving to the cheering crowd that had come to congratulate them.
 “Well, Meganium Man? What’s next on your agenda?” asked Seviper, returning from loading Crawdaunt into the patty wagon.
 Taking on a boastful and confident tone, Harley declared, “Where trouble lurks, I will be there to smite it! Where criminals gather, I will flush them out! When evil arrives, I will slam the door in its ugly face! Beware, Johto! There’s a new crimefighter in town, and his name is MEGANIUM MAN!”
 “He almost answered the question,” Chief Zangoose said to Seviper.

The end of Episode #1!
11
Pokémon Discussion / Looking for a GameShark code
« on: January 27, 2015, 05:45:41 pm »
Does anyone know if there's a GameShark code for Crystal Version which lets you encounter every Pokémon in the wild? I know there's a code that summons wild Pokémon matching the code's hex value, but that's not the one I'm looking for.
12
1. You are never allowed to pull a speed boost out of your ass to gain an insurmountable lead over your foes, but it's OK when Petey Piranha does it.

2. You are required, by law, to collide with every projectile and road hazard in your general direction. Failure to do so is literally oppression, and you will be fined one trillion dollars in gold coins, forced to serve 2003 life sentences in prison, and serve 2003 hours of community service (read: never get an item box again).

3. In the event you somehow work around the stipulations of #2, then your car will have a 'crash into items' magnet placed on it.

4. Red Shells will chase you to the ends of the Earth just to crash into you. However, they will instantly give up going after your foes when they change lanes.

5. Any projectile you've thrown will somehow find its way around the course to hit you, even if its a green shell.

6. Some dipshit thought Dry Dry Desert was a great idea.

7. When you fall off the track, you have to watch a 17-year long animation of Lakitu fishing your kart up and putting it back on the course. When an enemy falls off the track, they respawn instantly and ram you off the road.

8. Ghosts are fucking heavy, apparently.

9. If you are in first place at the start of a race, then every item your enemies get from the first row of item boxes will be a Spiny Shell. Even if you're in 8th place and someone in 5th place throws one, it still hits you. See lesson #2.

10. Throwing a green tortoise shell at a reinforced green pipe is the only way to kill the man-eating plant living inside. Even though this doesn't work in any other Mario game.

11. You were expecting an 11th lesson? TOO BAD! Waluigi tiHI I'M DAISY!
13
Video Games/Glitches Discussion / SETTLE IT! In SMASH! (SSB4 thread)
« on: October 03, 2014, 02:58:41 pm »
SMASHAN!

STUFF UNLOCKAN!

BUTTON MASHAN!

Anyone else played it? I got mine today and I've been having a blast so far.

Also Jesus Christ Dark Pit how fucking lazy are you Sakurai.
14
The Dumpster Out Back / Glitch Busters!
« on: August 17, 2014, 04:48:37 pm »
Holy wow I never thought I'd use this board. This idea has been rolling around my head for a while and decided I'd roll with it. I've never made an arrpee before so go easy on me or don't ugh run on sentences are fun.
____________________________________________________
Glitchmon are peculiar creatures, aren't they? They behave like regular Pokémon, but they aren't. They're wondrous critters who can be just as loyal, but, due to their... reputation, let's say, are usually feared by Joe Shmoe and Average Allan.

That's not to say everyone fears them! No, absolutely not. Many are friends with Glitchmon and treat them like regular Pokémon. Layabout Larry's got one; it's very cute.

However... recently, strange things have happened around the world that seem to be connection with the Glitchmon, just like the start of every shitty alien move other happening the world will experience that week. A peculiar word, "B óË ÁN," has been spread around various lands to the confusion of everyone. What does it mean? Where did this word originate? Is this B óË ÁN a creature? Is it the result of someone typing the word 'bean' and having a stroke partway through? Answers to these questions and more await you in...


GLITCH BUSTERS!

Character sheet, human:
Name:
Age:
Residence:
Appearance:
Brief history:

Character sheet, Glitchmon partner (Optional):
Species:
Nickname:
Appearance:
Attacks:

Character sheet, Pokémon partner (Optional):
Species:
Nickname:
Appearance:
Attacls:
____________________________________________________
Character sheet, human:
Name: Bert
Age: 21
Residence: Slateport City
Appearance: Shaggy brown hair, wears a grey T-shirt with blue jeans and black sneakers. A blue cape hangs off his back.
Brief history: Bert was born and raised in Sootopolis City, but hated the lack of freedom and being in a volcano basin that could erupt any moment. He moved to Slateport City at 18, and currently works at the aquatic museum near the docks.

Character sheet, Glitchmon partner:
Species: 4. .
Nickname: Glitchy
Appearance: A two-headed draconian creature. Lacks legs and floats a few feet above the ground. Has no arms, but hands float freely at his sides. The wings on his back can take the shape of a regular, multi-tailed cape. His pixels are a steely blue.
Attacks: None. Glitchy instead fights with his fists and other brawling tactics.
____________________________________________________
Also some general rules because I'm super anal.

1. No one word/one sentence posts. Avoid at all costs, if possible.

2. Controlling other's characters is a tricky issue, but generally:
2.1. Conversations are fine as long as you keep it within reason (a serious, stern character probably won't shout "I LIKE WAFFLES!" without reason),
2.2. If you are battling another player's character, you cannot determine the outcome of your attack. A cannot kill B unless B gives the go-ahead, and vice versa.
2.3. Similiarly, no catching other player's Pokémon/Glitchmon unless they're fine with it.

3. Mark any event not related to the RP with (OOC), which means Out of Character.

K that's it. I figure we'll get the story started when we get five players or so.
15
Pokémon Discussion / Gizooglemon
« on: June 12, 2014, 06:48:27 pm »
Step 1: Go to Gizoogle.

Step 2: Go to Bulbapedia, pull up a Pokémon/Character/Whatever.

Step 3: Copy the Bulbapedia article's URL into Gizoogle's translator.

Step 4: Post hilarious s**t.

Meganium's 'dex entries for D/P, B/W/B2/W2/ gave me this:

Quote
Its breath has tha dunkadelic mobilitizzle ta revive dead plants n' flowers.

Quote
dunkadelic

Quote
dunkadelic

Can 'dunkadelic' be GCLF's word of the day?
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