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Author Topic: Untitled Pokémon Fanfic (no content rating yet)  (Read 1137 times)

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Sherkel

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Untitled Pokémon Fanfic (no content rating yet)
« on: November 12, 2010, 09:28:19 pm »
I was on the edge whether or not to post any of this, seeing as it's a story that I've kind of been molding for a few months and never bothered to write (I just keep on changing parts, and couldn't have been bothered to.) It had been something I'd been keeping to myself, due to certain scenes and the amount there currently is to fully explain. Today, however, I decided to jot down what will probably be the first bit. Keep in mind that this will come slowly on account of a need to set in stone the order of events. Comments are welcome. Here goes...

Prologue
"WHAT?! Over there! What in the hell is Zekrom doing--"
"I'd sure like to know myself...but I have a feeling we'll both know rather soon."
"You didn't--"
"Oh...yes I did. Why, look at that now...right over the edge..."
"Ryan, if you stop this now, we can both forget that this ever happened. Hanging off of here is quite...unsettling."
"Well, I think you're going to forget quite soon. I, on the other hand, will have to know this, and our history, until I die. Now, shut up while I enjoy this."
"This is only a side effect. It's my fault. I'll give you less of...that next time. Please...please stop this. I'll do whatever you want."
"I think I've already had quite enough of that! Zekrom, go ahead!"
Chapter 1
   "Excuse me, ma'am. Is this where I can speak to a Team Alpha representative?" A young male trainer, the perfect image of an Ace Trainer of the Isshu region, asked this question for the third time. Before him stood a tall young woman, with long blood-red hair, almost exactly matching the color of her clothes and cape.
   "I can tell you where," she responded. "But I'll have you know that this area is off-limits to Grunts. Wait a second...you're not even a Grunt yet!" She pointed to his left shoulder, where she had expected to see a familiar symbol.
   "I'm sorry, ma'am, but I was told by a clan...its name eludes me, but they said to go right here if I was interested in joining." He was quite nervous now, afraid of having trespassed on a rich estate, and of how his consequence might turn out.
   "That's the building next to this one. The modern-looking one. This building, on the other hand, is private property, and the owner of this castle may be quite disappointed if I told him about you..."
   "Okay. Umm...I'll leave. Should I...umm...uhh..." He was now at a loss of what to say, and was becoming more unsettled by the look on her face.
   "You can go. First, however, you need to promise me something." There was a short pause. "Don't tell anybody about coming here. Any knowledge of what's past the doors you just entered is punishable by both the Battle Island's law, and, as it happens, Team Alpha's regulations." She emphasized the last few words and sharpened her gaze. However, she quickly moved her gaze toward her pocket as she removed a few banknotes. "Here's 500,000. Go." She offered to him the large sum, and gestured that he take it. The Ace Trainer pocketed the money and exited without another word.
   "What was that about, Rhea?"

Torchickens

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Re: Untitled Pokémon Fanfic (no content rating yet)
« Reply #1 on: November 13, 2010, 09:46:05 am »
It sounds good so far, I like how the prologue adds a sense of mystery right from the start. I've never tried writing any Fan Fiction myself, though my only suggestion would be that combined with the prologue, chapter 1 could already make readers suspicious of Team Alpha and might put them off reading if they can make an early prediction of what is going to happen next. You could add a good twist in later chapters to keep people reading.
« Last Edit: November 13, 2010, 09:50:59 am by Torchickens »
Hello. I actually identify as gender questioning, but nowadays feel more firmly that I identify as female. My sex is male but I like to express myself as female.  She/her pronouns, please.


Thank you Myri for my avatar! Thank you Aeriixion for the cute sprite above! :) Roelof also made different variations of the sprite (which I animated).

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Sherkel

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Re: Untitled Pokémon Fanfic (no content rating yet)
« Reply #2 on: November 13, 2010, 10:23:34 am »
It sounds good so far, I like how the prologue adds a sense of mystery right from the start. I've never tried writing any Fan Fiction myself, though my only suggestion would be that combined with the prologue, chapter 1 could already make readers suspicious of Team Alpha and might put them off reading if they can make an early prediction of what is going to happen next. You could add a good twist in later chapters to keep people reading.
Thanks for feedback.
Any foreshadowing related to Team Alpha in the prologue was fully unintended. I'm planning to give the reader much more information on the organization soon. I don't really think I gave much detail into Team Alpha besides the nature of one member. There will be twists; don't worry about that.

Yuzihax

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Re: Untitled Pokémon Fanfic (no content rating yet)
« Reply #3 on: November 13, 2010, 10:44:09 am »
There will be twists; don't worry about that.