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Author Topic: Tips for happiness and assertiveness  (Read 39 times)

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Evie the Bird Mother 🌸 ☽

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Tips for happiness and assertiveness
« on: August 19, 2019, 07:33:49 am »
This is a thread to give tips on life skills to be happy. :)

(This thread is a lot more serious than many of the other threads on Glitch City Labs but if interested, please read this next paragraph first):

Important: While it's important to be optimistic and positive, never be too revealing!! Because if your intuition says you don't trust someone, it's probably right. As intuition is also limited, online/offline safety is very important too due to how human societies work there are many dynamics. But it's also natural as children (when intuition of the qualia and overly trusting/faithful kind - also called anima may be more powerful) we tend to not realise this until later in life: 1. Humans are very gifted at teamwork, but unfortunately others will hurt each others feelings. As the Internet is so big, there will be trolls. So don't say anything, just ignore them.   2. Power is tribal whether we like it or not; we may hate a politician, but they have power over us. No one is more intelligent than another, we just have specialties and one specialty means poor skills in another thing thing - so e.g. someone from a middle class culture may not relate with working class culture as well, as a working class culture may not relate with a middle class culture. Once something is misinterpreted and it has legal connotations, there will be misunderstandings even if you face a "judge"; the judge is not necessarily right.  3. In the context of details like giving your full name, your address, etc. it could put you in danger of crime. "Stranger danger" is polarised; some believe it is a strong threat, others believe it is not. But it's best to be safe just in case.

I feel this as an art is often dismissed, as in one context stereotypical society is shifting from spirituality to consumerism (consumerism is not necessarily a bad thing, if you like collecting for instance and it makes you happy good - that's the most important thing as long as you don't hurt each other) - in another context there are New Age Movements (additionally dogma is dying as we become more and more social) but because of natural disasters these will be destroyed; Earth will not last forever - actually a mixture of spirituality and consumerism may make us happy for some. Now due to time and cognitive ease, I've noticed I've made a lot of assumptions, and fear some of what was said while protective may have sounded harsh. I feel then I stress: "this is optional, read what makes you feel happy, or ignore it completely if you're not in the mood"

I stress here. No matter who you are, there will be an efficient way to manage emotional health unique to you as best as you can. :) But unfortunately, this may disappoint some; it is impossible to stay in emotional congruence forever; but it tends to be a cyclic relationship (good days, bad days) - psychological coping strategies only have limited power because we need to consider the hierarchy of needs of which "sufficient food", "sufficient sleep" are higher than knowledge of mindfulness activities - humans are not immortal and we all have to die; this is why "no creature is an island", because death (both physical and spiritual) are the biggest challenges regardless of whatever knowledge or gnosis you have gathered.

If you have suffered with depression like me, first I'm sorry to hear about your depression :( (depending on your circumstances it could be like "horrible days, not so horrible but still horrible days" or "I get extremely happy than suddenly extremely depressed and this repeats" etc.) but rest assured things do improve :) nature does not generally allow eternal suffering nor imbalanced polarities - consider as babies we are crying all the time but suddenly what is called in spirituality as "the miracle of true love", there will be someone who understands you, even if this originally did not begin with your parents.

Now on to practical tips.

These below are just ideas and I welcome new ideas ^^

1. Embrace and comfort yourself, your achievements, your unique elements, what you love. :) This does not mean narcissism. Contrary to what some may believe, narcissism is not necessarily self-love and self-love is not necessarily narcissism. (I feel distinctions personally) Narcissism says "I hate this. But I am the best"/which may include dogma that someone is definitively incorrect or wrong and there is no possibility that they are right. Self-love says "I hate this, I genuinely feel lost and beat up I don't know what to do :( but will try to find a way/get help from my true friend, because there is a chance even though it feels like it may not work." - this person is not afraid to embrace their weakness; even if they did fail, they would create a way to persevere in true self-love.

2. Abandon perfection - there are suppositions that true perfection does not exist anyway. The closer you strive to perfection, the more difficult it becomes. And it can soon become a habit; what is called an "obssessive compulsive thought" that comes into your mind as temptation or "automatic ruminating". However, some obsessive compulsive thoughts can be beneficial (maybe you're a very organised person) but not if you are struggling with efficacy (the ability to fulfill your needs). I have one, it's my obsession with insisting my thoughts and feelings come as most natural as possible. This created an interesting dynamic; which is like the subconscious rises into the conscious "They are getting on my nerves [insert cuss words in the sentence]" but what I did not know, is that for some people this is normal. In psychology, these are called "pseudo-hallucinations" but for some people they stumble understanding it; but I get the impression some things are impossible to know.

If you relate (otherwise skip this part) I personally don't believe in the stigma about "hearing voices". It is misinterpreted; in fact I don't discount people cognitively work in a lot more ways than we may think (some even extend this to say "my yellow is not your yellow" even in terms of light - to put it into perspective not even science then can prove the matters of qualia; qualia is unique to you, but because other humans share the most DNA there are thankfully analogies we can understand). What actually is a "voice" is a matter of cognition, learning and lexicology. For me, what is a 'voice' is in my head; not through my ears, so is therefore from my lexicographical preference not a voice. Also if you're interested in this sort of stuff: do androids have consciousness. I believe they do! :) It just seems impossible to understand for us. If you want to learn more about what I mean play Giga Wrecker Alt by Game Freak (fun fact Satoshi Tajiri has stereotypical autistic spectrum traits too; our differences should be compliments from the heart, not insults like society has tended to do (with racism, sexism, different personalities, cruelty to animals)). This benefits both of you, even if you don't get some people. Everyone gravitates towards satisfaction in the end (both parties will find a good friend (a good friend is someone not only you like or likes you but both like each other, want each other and respect each other); once you have a friend you get a taste of happiness permanence) - however for many people (like me), friendship comes and goes in waves, I believe romance is overrated tbh once it becomes a necessity - what if one of you doesn't feel like it? So appreciate many short-lasting happinesses that are life long, but don't fall under the perfection trap too much in the context of e.g. what I call 'love that brings obfuscation'. Obfuscation means hiding things. It's not that obfuscation is necessarily bad, but e.g. forcing yourself to give too much to someone when you don't feel like it yourself can make you feel unhealthy.

3. Be yourself - this may mean; "don't be a mask", "don't copy others to fit in if you don't want to" (I don't mind if you don't believe in what I say; the philosophy is "it's better to be hated by most but have a few deep friendships" than trying to rely on logic/objectivity/perfection too much) However, if you want a mask and it is you; have confidence (in context of freedom from doubt and if all else fails experiment until you find what feels/seems right). A mask is not necessarily bad; a person with a mask may for instance consider things on how to behave others don't see, and the other may actually like it.

"raise your assertiveness." ; Assertiveness does not mean aggression, but you need faith to make assumptions; based on your experience (also known as gnosis, which comes with age), so as long as you believe you are considerate but not destructive (an example may be "I don't agree with this but thanks for your input anyway" instead of "No that's stupid"). Linking in with this, it can be good to be straight to the point.
>There are multiple interpretations of what "aggression" is. It is both a connotations (linguistics) related topic and links back to the faith to make assumptions if you say "if the person I said this to was me, would I want them to say the same to me?" This can be difficult if you are on stereotypical autistic-spectrum disorder like me, but it begins as a muscle like anything before it finally integrates (note contrary to popular belief many people on the autistic spectrum report are highly emotionally internally; they feel pain, stress, deeply but cognitively they may not know how to cope, express in words because we can be perfectionists so much something we don't see leaves our consciousness  - and a desire for perfection can cripple us because some of us may 'not relate with relationships' or people. It may be both a social upbringing and nature (nurture and nature) thing, but no matter who you are; you have the right for self-validation. Indeed it doesn't matter what you do, but every cause has an effect; which is why in fact all of us may need some mask - if someone hurts us, we don't necessarily hate them, nor necessarily like them (this decision comes from what you create we are free to like/hate whoever) but regardless have consideration, even if you hate someone - it's why nature gave us fight or flight; Personally I believe it is better for flight - if you feel hurt try to be as polite as you can (sometimes this is complex; you will have to make a guess that feels or seems right how to manage it) while stating at the same time you don't like it. If this fails, run away. Fighting while it may feel beneficial to you, may only lead to more dangers.

Aggression may mean physical harm, as well as cussing, but there is also what is known as "passive aggressiveness": Passive aggressiveness is often verbal and there are connotations of it undervaluing your dignity (i.e. value of self-worth, right to happiness, abuse of logic to say things that aren't what the other person wants). An example is "whatever..." (sarcastic voice or voice that starts high but ends low). It can also be accompanied with physical mischief (e.g. the bully spilling salt on the floor and then saying "wow you're clumsy" as if you did it).

I feel unfortunately there may be no way out of aggression (both from others and accidentally from ourselves), and it can sometimes be difficult to differentiate aggression and assertiveness. So maybe in that sense; it is impossible to completely understand social relationships, but it can be therapeutic to see that as part of life's charm, that we understand more and more later.

4. Finally, this leads on to accepting perfect security is impossible (after all the opening paragraph is my opinion and I'm arrogant if I say it is definitively right or wrong). But examples are like, when you ride a plane there is sadly unfortunately a chance it will crash, or that you may be a victim of terrorism etc. So this comes back to what you think is right (I worry though about the Internet. I have online friends who are like general life penfriends (who I will not name) but in retrospect yeah it can be tricky, so if I personally ever met an online friend; I would meet them with a trusted in real life friend. (Fortunately my parents))
« Last Edit: August 19, 2019, 07:37:51 am by Princess Torchic Owl Lover ☽ ❤ »
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Re: Tips for happiness and assertiveness
« Reply #1 on: August 19, 2019, 10:32:31 am »
Just a quick tip from viewing permissions back when I was promoted: this board isn't visible to anyone except admins due to the lack of use it got and the fact people use Discord for darker stuff anyway (as much as it isn't anonymous, most are content with the idea their message will be lost with time.)

Anyway, good thread from my initial skim of it; I've gone through times where I've been actively giving this advice and others where I've needed to force it into me, and while this is certainly the latter it sounds at least a decent deal like what I remind myself of. Thanks for the good vibes in the meantime, and ideally I'll have more to say later. :)
Held aloft, as if by hands, their thoughts remain adrift
Torn asunder, broken bands
A void, a dream, a rift